The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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