I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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