come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
