I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
