Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
