...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You've changed since you got that strap on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
