Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
