so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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