you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My ATM looks so different sober.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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