tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
