hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
