The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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