You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
