Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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