My first STD was from a foam party
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
