Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
