Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
