i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
