Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
