I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
