I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
