I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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