the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
