have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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