why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
how drunk are you?
Several
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
