I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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Do I have a choice?
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The Olympian is in my bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
