see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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