Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
