feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
