His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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