He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
