im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want to have your abortion
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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