The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
