i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
