Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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