You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
