he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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