Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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