I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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