these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
