i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
