Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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