i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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