In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
