My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
