there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
