Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
