My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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