i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
