would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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