At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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