im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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