I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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